Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
