Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
