I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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