My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
