so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
