The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
