I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had sex on a roof
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
