hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize