At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
