How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
