i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
