I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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