please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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