he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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