we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
