I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
