im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize