Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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