Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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