i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
