I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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