I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize