i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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