WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize