I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
