I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize