Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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