please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
