he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
