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• (586): View more from Michigan

  1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night

  (586): View more from Michigan

  2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street

  (586): View more from Michigan

  3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you

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• (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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• (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

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• (556): View more from

  I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.

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• (916): View more from California

  Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.

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• (518): View more from New York

  You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.

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