It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
