I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
