called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
