In America we eat man semen.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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