I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
