He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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