Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
