My nipple is on Facebook.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
