honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
