my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the high leading the old right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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