If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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