it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
