I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everything about him screamed your future.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
