My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
