Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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