no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You made out with two different species that night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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