I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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