your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize