yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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