Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
