i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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