A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
