help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
