Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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