He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize