she was so not down for the gang bang
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
