can u get pink eye on your cock?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
