Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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