Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize