I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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