So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
