better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
