Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
