We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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