is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
