I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
