Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
