why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
