Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
