I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
