I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
