I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
