nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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