Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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