really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
