remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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