3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize