Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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