i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
