i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
