I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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