dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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