Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
