I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
