I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
