Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
