Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize