She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
