i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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