YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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