i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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